Some dissertation angst...

I think I'm heading home tomorrow for (a much needed) holiday break from all this lab stuff that has been driving me insane.

My parents have been trying to convince me to come home. My guilt complex and the urge to graduate complex has been fighting it tooth and nail.

In the grand scheme of things, I keep setting these internal deadlines for graduating/defending, when have they ever really worked. Why should I set myself up for a grand finale, when the finale always seems to be on hiatus...or postponed before the next big breakthrough.

I planned on finishing this month over 6 months ago, when the deadline was postponed yet again. Now I'm setting another one for April/May, this is all banking on the fact that I finish all my experiments by March...

Why do I keep setting myself up with these deadlines...driving myself insane, only to not succeed in meeting the deadlines. Is it because of the PI, the research, myself? I'm sure it's an amalgam of all 3 but it's still painful, still stressful and still very frustrating and disappointing.

My fam (brother and gf) is planning a little side trip to Toronto, which I was invited to, why am I guilting myself. I should go, enjoy myself, and say "screw research", at least for a week so I can enjoy time with the family. There's still a little part of me that says I shouldn't cause it will just set me back yet again. I mean, I still have so much to do...sometimes I just hate biology based experiments because of the headaches they cause...but it's also the part of research that brought me into this doctoral torture =P

I know I should totally stop feeling guilty and just go home and enjoy myself. I just wish my subconscious would stop hounding me to feel guilty.