I need to get this off my chest before I go crazy...
I've been feeling a bit resentful of my labmates. The past few weeks my boss has been absent for a few of them. My labmates have been taking advantage of it and going on vacations (secretly) or just not showing up in lab at all or taking extended vacations since they know the boss won't be in lab to say anything.
Now I know I shouldn't and I feel horrible that I am feeling resentful, but why do I have to be so "honorable", where I feel the need to tell my boss even if I'm only going to be gone a few days, while my labmates go for much longer without even informing them. I mean I even felt compelled to tell him that I will most likely not be coming into lab for a day because of my move.
I'm getting irritated and it's not good! I keep showing up to lab, running my experiments with nothing to show for it in terms of results. I have not taken a week long vacation home in forever...a few days at most. Nothing seems to be going right for me, but everything seems to be going right for everyone else in terms of research, luck (on taking those secret vacations), etc.
I know I need to suck it up and just do my own stuff and just get out of here. The whole problem with that is that research just isn't going my way.
Once the boss is back, I'm sure everyone will do their song and dance and show up to work...but he'll never really know that they were gone while I was still coming in and working or making a good attempt on it.
Along with all this, I'm also feeling the cartoon above, that I DON'T deserve to take a vacation, and CAN'T take a vacation because I don't have the results to show for it. That's exactly the mindset I have right now. I'll take a nice long vacation after my defense...but looking at my fantasy timeline, most likely that vacation won't come until sometime in 2010. *SIGH**Taking a deep breath, in with the good thoughts, out with the bad ones, including the feelings of inadequacy*
Ok, thanks for listening to me vent. The next post will be happier...
12 comments:
Unfortunately this won't help with the frustration you are feeling, but I thought I'd let you know that this is quite common. I am actually *blush* guilty of this - I just went to Belize while my advisor was on vacation. And other students in my office regularly take off when their PI is out of town.
Sometimes when you are feeling really stuck with no results, maybe vacation helps reset your frame of mind. Or maybe that's just what we all tell ourselves... :)
no good deed will go unnoticed, don't worry.. im sure one way or another... your boss will find out too. and if not? then at least you know that you've done your best. i know its easier said than done sometimes, but keep at it girl :) you will one day be rewarded.
I understand how you feel. My co-worker comes in an hour or more late daily and then leaves on time, while I work my hours and at the most am 15 minutes late on a bad day. it sucks, but keep your head up!
@Miss Outlier
No need to be embarrassed, I think it's a combination of factors, not only the vacations, but other things that are causing my irritation. And while I can try to take a vacation, currently I'm not enjoying them because of the thesis hanging over my head. I really just need to defend...and then vacation.
@Kym
Thanks for the encouragement...I'm going to try, but sometimes it's just hard getting through the day.
@Trixie
Part of my problem is that I feel guilt, where I shouldn't. The issue with the "song and dance" are the days where I do make it in early, my PI is not there, where the one or 2 days where my labmates make it in first, he is...Yep, I just have to suck it up, and just get out...
Feeling like that is totally normal. I would feel the same way if I were in your position. Not everyone is responsible like you. Hang in there and concentrate on making the grade. good luck sweetie. =)
It's perfectly natural to feel resentful and maybe even a little envious of other people's apparent care-free, lazy, half assed approach to life. But just think, would *you* be happy living life that way and not giving your research your all? Probably not. Some people were wired to be lazy and others were wired to always work hard and strive for protection. I personally have a lot more respect for the latter group.
Don't forget, the cream always rises to the top and trust me; a hard worker is def the cream! So keep on working away, maintain a low profile, and stay focused on your goals. After all, that's what matters!
You're a really good person and a good worker as well, I'm sure all the efforts you put in will pay off, hang in there :)
I agree with what's been said. It sucks when you have to deal with co-workers that are lacking in work ethic - especially when work that you have to do depends on something that they are supposed to be doing. You just have to hang in there and continue to do your best :)
Gah. I had those irresponsible people around me last year, too.
@ChinkyGirlMel
Thanks for the encouragement! Yeah, I even feel guilty feeling resentful...:P
@blacktulip
Thanks, that's what I'm trying to do, ignore it, and keep chugging along...
@Andhari
Thanks hon!
@for the love of pictures
Yep, at least in this case, what they do doesn't really have bearing on what I'm doing since we each have our own dissertation/thesis projects. It's when there are labwide issues, that I always feel like I'm stuck taking up slack even if it's not my "assigned" responsibility. *sigh* Just gotta keep on going...
@Nashe
How'd you end up dealing with it?! I'm trying right now...and the combination of everything is driving up the wall!
awww
I'm the same way... I always have to do the right & honorable thing. Sometimes I've wished that I could be like the other people and just not care, but I guess if everyone in the world was like that, it would be a pretty nutty world!
I think people like us balance everything out :o)
And you should take that vaca. You totally deserve it :)
@Cee
Know that feeling! We'll see about the vaca, probably not for a long while though since taking a vacay means delaying graduation.
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